I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
