i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
