I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
