Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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