So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and she was petting her beer can
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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