I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
