Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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