I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
