I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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