i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
