How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
