because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
