You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
