She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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