Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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