he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Couch. On fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
