apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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