Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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