I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
