you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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