so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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