I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
