oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
