I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone says I win the strip club
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
