is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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