the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Less talking, more tequila
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
