Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
