You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
