I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
