Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
