So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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