If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
