don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
