you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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