So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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