i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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