I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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