i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
