we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
