Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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