It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
