week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
