And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
