you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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