She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
