Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
