That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
