The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
