How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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