hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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