8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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