you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
