Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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