So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
